Your Landing Page Sucks.
We'll Tell You Why.
Get a no-BS, expert audit of your landing page covering copy, design, UX, trust signals, CTAs, and mobile experience. Delivered in 24 hours. No fluff. No participation trophies.
Takes 30 seconds. Results in 24 hours.
What We'll Tear Apart
Every roast covers these six critical areas. No stone left unturned. No ego left intact.
Copy & Messaging
Is your headline putting people to sleep? We'll tell you.
Visual Design
We'll roast your color choices, typography, and layout crimes.
UX & Navigation
If your visitors need a map to find the CTA, we'll let you know.
Trust Signals
Testimonials from your mom don't count. We'll audit your social proof.
CTAs & Conversion
Your 'Submit' button is not a CTA. Let's fix that.
Mobile Experience
60% of your traffic is mobile. Is your page ready? (Probably not.)
How It Works
Pay & Submit
Drop $29 and paste your landing page URL. That's it. No 47-field form.
We Roast It
Our experts tear your page apart across 6 key areas. Every critique comes with a fix.
You Level Up
Get your roast within 24 hours. Implement the fixes. Watch your conversions climb.
What Our Victims Say
They came for a roast. They left with a better page. Some even said thank you. Eventually.
“They absolutely destroyed my landing page. Best $29 I ever spent. Conversion rate went up 40% after implementing their feedback.”
“I was offended for about 10 minutes. Then I realized they were completely right about everything. My page was a mess.”
“Sent my page expecting a pat on the back. Got a reality check instead. Exactly what I needed. Already seeing more signups.”
$29 vs. The Alternative
Without a Roast
- Guessing what's wrong with your page
- Asking friends who say “looks good!”
- Hiring a $5,000 consultant
- Bleeding conversions for months
- Wondering why nobody signs up
With a Roast
- Crystal clear list of what's broken
- Expert feedback, not polite lies
- $29 instead of $5,000
- Actionable fixes you can implement today
- Results within 24 hours
Frequently Roasted Questions
Is this actually useful or just mean?
Both. We're brutally honest, but every piece of feedback is actionable. You'll get specific suggestions for what to fix and why. Think of it as tough love that makes you money.
What do I actually get for $29?
A detailed, written audit covering your copy, design, UX, trust signals, CTAs, and mobile experience. Not a generic checklist — a personalized roast with specific recommendations for YOUR page.
How long until I get my roast?
We deliver within 24 hours. Most roasts are done within 12 hours. We don't believe in making you wait — your page is losing conversions every day.
Who's doing the roasting?
Experienced conversion-focused designers and copywriters who've built and optimized hundreds of landing pages. Not interns. Not AI. Humans who know what works.
What if I disagree with the feedback?
You probably will at first. That's normal. But we back every critique with reasoning. If something truly doesn't apply, ignore it. But 9 times out of 10, the stuff that stings the most is the stuff that needs fixing.
Can I get a refund?
If we somehow fail to deliver your roast, absolutely. But we don't refund hurt feelings. You're paying for honesty, and that's what you'll get.
Ready to Face the Truth?
Your landing page is costing you customers right now. For less than the price of a mediocre lunch, get expert feedback that actually moves the needle.
Get Roasted — $29→Secure payment via Stripe. Roast delivered within 24 hours.